Just as each “Spring Break” in my life has been unique for various reasons (travel-related or otherwise) SB 2018 has been one for the books. While this year did not consist of travel to Disney, Mexico, Europe, or otherwise, various activities were thoughtfully planned for well in advance of the week off of work. Having lived through 29 previous “Spring Breaks” it should have come as no surprise that SB 2018 would be filled with much more than just those planned activities. I mean, even a “Disney Themed Spring Break” always comes with additional surprises – whether that be an illness, broken wrist, or otherwise.
The “plan” alone never trumps the realities of living in a broken and sinful world. And hard as I try to learn this lesson, it still often “gets me” from time to time.
As I reflect today (Saturday – nearing the end of SB 2018), I am disappointed in myself for allowing relatively minor life challenges to upset me so much over the past week. I especially feel this way because I told myself OVER and OVER again how “I’d never be (deeply) unhappy again if I could just get pregnant,” that, “I had grown so much from the infertility/miscarriage struggles and would now be a stronger and a more even-keeled person in the face of challenge or adversity.”
While I did not stoop to the depths of sadness I had previously lived in for so long, I did become VERY emotional this week over what I commonly refer to as “first world problems.” The biggest of which were:
- Nursery/House related
- Car Related
To make two long and uninteresting stories a bit shorter (well, at least the second one is short), I’ve been struggling to get our house ready for Baby Boy. We have a very nice house, but it sure begins to feel a bit “too small” when you need to completely restructure several living spaces to accommodate for the addition of a new member of the family. Can we buy or build a new house in time to deal with this problem more effectively? Absolutely not, nor would it make sense given the unpredictable nature of Joe’s career path at this time, and the fact that we paid a gagillion dollars from our “future house savings fund” to make this beautiful boy growing inside me. So, just focus on what you can control, Megan. Okay.
Being the planner that I am, I made a timeline of “things to do” once we hit 14 weeks (January). First we would need an electrician to add overhead lighting in the two downstairs bedrooms. (**Sidenote: Why someone would build a house without overhead lighting in an entire room, or a switch that properly activates an outlet in the room is beyond me…). I would come to learn that this would include a drywall repair. Fine. One more step, but because our electrician said “He knew a guy,” talked to him, and would coordinate a time for both to happen together it would be no big deal. My arranging this the first week of February would surely put us in a good place for “painting” to occur by Spring Break, especially with a the Electrician and Drywall apparently happening the same day.
Nope. Electrician was sick on the original “planned day.”
Push things back a week.
Electrical work done. “Drywall guy will call you within the week.”
Nope. Can I have his number?
Call. Text. Call. Joe Calls. Joe Calls. I Call.
Look into the price of other drywall contractors because this guy seemingly can’t answer the phone or no longer exists.
Get a quote from the new drywall guy – more than DOUBLE the cost of promised cost from original “Ghost of a Drywall Guy.”
Long story short, this leads me to be a mess of crazy on Wednesday. This was my planned time to be PAINTING. I cannot paint without a complete wall and ceiling. I cannot put in new carpet until I paint. I cannot get the nursery furniture (which of course takes 5 weeks to be delivered, once purchased) until the carpet is in. My timeline is condensing, there are large holes in my walls, and I’m sitting here with tons of time, general ability to still move about (pregnancy wise), and nothing I can do. So what do I do? Throw a “first world problem” angry fit complete with tears to my mom on the phone.
After my little outburst/episode on Wednesday I began to feel embarrassed. In general because I know I’m not a fun person to deal with when I’m crying and emotional (sorry Mom). But furthermore, because this was exactly what I told myself I would no longer do once I was “finally pregnant.” Once I FINALLY overcame the first “real problem” I’d encountered personally in my life.
This leads me back to my second paragraph in this blog. While I whole-hearted believe God gives us the ability to always find the good in all situations, and in my case, grow spiritually and emotionally as a result of personal tragedy, He also knows that we are not perfect. This world is not perfect. Sure, we can grow and become better Christians throughout our lives, but we will always be sinners who fall back into old habits, sinful thoughts, and allow worry to overcome us; even for the most “first world” types of problems. I don’t have to be perfect, because Christ was perfect for me. A message I’ve heard so many times, and just recently celebrated on Easter Sunday of this last week. Ultimately, Christ has paid the price for all of my doubts, worries, mistakes, and outbursts. Of course, that doesn’t mean I should continue to be an emotional crazy person when things don’t go my way, but it sure was something I’ve reflected on over the past several days.
Just like all other previous Spring Breaks, 2018’s came with surprises of it’s own. By Thursday evening a friend of my parents’ friends (who literally lives a half mile from our house) came over to look at our drywall job. (I guess crying to your mom on the phone sometimes has it perks. Thanks, Mom for the additional help finding some quality, reliable, drywall guys!). The father/son ‘Drywall Duo’ quoted us at a very reasonable price, and came over this morning to begin working on the rooms. They actually are doing more for us than just the original drywall project, so it’s a perfect scenario. While the job is not completed yet, it will be by next weekend. Praise God. Subsequently, we somehow fell into the early replacement of my Subaru lease for a new Subaru lease (exactly the same make, model, and package level) with an additional six thousand miles over the course of three years and a payment drop of nearly $100 a month.
It wasn’t the usual Spring Break. There was no mouse, no warmth, (etc); and there was a general increase in stress and anxiety. Regardless of all this, today I remember to focus on the important things in life. I count myself as blessed as I look at the current state of my life. Blessed to have the forgiveness of a loving Savior. And blessed for the silly faces or “talking” Baby Seags did to me yesterday at our 24 week appointment.