Faith · First Trimester · IVF

Dancing Queen (or King?)

Tuesday’s appointment in Racine was a success.  It was on time, with a very nice Ultrasound Tech,  relatively painless, and Joe got to be there to boot.  What was even more exciting was that unlike last week Thursday when my mom and I saw the little one twitch on the screen, this time the little growing person inside me did an entire dance for us!  Everything but the head was wiggling for a solid 4 seconds.

(One of these days I’m just going to video record the monitor… I don’t think it’s allowed in Racine, but I’m sure it’s allowed in Gurnee.  And I could easily watch a “dancing-little-person-inside-me-video” all day long.)

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Looking a little more like a teddy bear and a lot less like a lizard today.

Baby measured only 3 days behind on Tuesday, which was nice to hear.  If I remember correctly the heartbeat was 162bpm or so.

I feel so gross.   So.  Gross.   So gross that I don’t even care to Google anything about that heart rate, Youtube ultrasound videos for the specific days I’m at, or even really think about scary things I’ve been thinking about most days before now.

I’m tired.

But happily tired, and happily gross.  More “happy” than “gross” and “tired” combined.  I’m finding myself overly concerned with not letting on that I feel like crap (except to my mom and Joe…they get a lot of complaining) because it personally bothered me so much when others around me would complain in any way about their pregnancies while I was unable to become pregnant.  Overall, it’s been a good strategy for me.  It’s kept me at work on days when I would have gone home with my previous pregnancy, and overall made me a “tougher” version of myself.   I’m sure Joe would argue that… but remember, he only sees me at home when I become mush each night.  Overall, I’m happy, happy, mush.

I have to also admit to something I never thought was real:

Cravings.

I used to see women posting on Facebook or hear them saying to others in conversation, “Oh, I’m craving ____!” or “___!” and I would just become skeptical.  I was skeptical from a very young age.

“That can’t be real.”

Food is food.  I love food.  I love chocolate.  I love going out to eat.  I love the Disney Dining Plan and eating all the things.

I remember once when one of my cousins was pregnant she mentioned having no taste at all for sweets.  According to her, it was mostly absent much of her pregnancy.  Now this cousin was/is ALWAYS in great shape.  While I remember seeing her eat “non-healthy things” previous to her pregnancy, I just found it hard to believe in general.  I think I thought something like, “Well of course SHE doesn’t like sweets, she doesn’t usually eat them in general!  She is so fit and healthy all the time!”   I remember thinking, “Gosh, I cannot wait to be pregnant someday so I can eat all the chocolate I want, and have it be okay because I will be eating for two!  No matter what, I’m sure I’ll love chocolate when I’m pregnant someday.”  

Well, all I want is salt.  And some other odd things.  No more daily peanut M&Ms with lunch (after my healthy food, okay!?).  All I want is raspberries, or McDonalds french fries (with a Strawberry shake), or Qdoba with the spicy steak and queso.  And oddly, a side salad from Culvers.  I want the side salad more than the burger, and these days don’t even get the free ice cream that comes with it!

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I’ve never been a McDonalds person, and certainly would never get a strawberry shake (only chocolate).  In the last 10 days, I’ve probably had 5 days of strawberry shakes and a medium french fry.  (Sometimes getting a 6 piece McNugget as well because that makes it a “Healthy Meal” with protein.  Again, who am I?)

I don’t know who I am anymore.

But I’m happy as a clam!

Happy. 

 

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