I feel like I’m still on a roller coaster, however my roller coaster is shifting. It started out more “Expedition Everest” (complete with dark tunnels, quick drops, some stopping to go suddenly backwards, and a big scary Disney-styled Yeti) and has now shifted to “The Seven Dwarves Mine Train” (one you ride with small children in order to see animatronic Dopey with a goofy smile and diamonds on his eyes).
This morning Joe and I went back down to Gurnee to have our 7w2d ultrasound (second with Dr. Sherbahn, third officially). After waiting 45 minutes after our appointment time (glad I took the entire day off… yikes!) we finally were called back. As seems to be his style, Sherbahn was quick in terms of “ultra-sounding” but stayed in the room with us as long as we needed to answer any questions we had. (His doctor walkie-talkie even went off while he was with us saying, “Ready for transfer, Doctor,” which he told us to “…ignore. They don’t know I’m with a patient right now.“)
For the first time, I saw the heartbeat today. I don’t know if I wrote about this at all in my previous blog, but when we were at the ER last Friday, I did not look at the screen. Even though the US Tech told us, “There’s a heartbeat!,” I just couldn’t look. Looking gets you attached. Attached can mean a sad outcome emotionally.
But today I looked. And I hate to say it, but I’m attached. Trying not to be excited, but attached.
As usual, our blob is measuring behind. We are officially 7w2d today and baby measured 6w4d. (For the record, our first measurement was 6 days behind, the one at the ER was 3 days behind, and today’s is 5 days behind. It should be noted that Sherbahn does the quickest scan I’ve ever experienced, and the ER US Tech took at least 10 minutes of measurements while with us). Joe was actually the one to ask Dr. Sherbahn this time about if we should have any level of concern. His thorough response included statements like;
“I’m not concerned unless it’s over a week behind. And I’ve seen healthy babies born from over a week behind.”
“Every single person on this planet is different. Every yolk sak is different. So not every embryo will grow at the same rate.”
“It could be a late implanter.”
Okay I was a little floored by that last one. I’ve never heard an actual doctor use the words “Late Implanter.” I mean, it’s all over the internet in the TTC (Trying To Conceive) forums, but for some reason the doctors I’ve been around don’t like to talk about it as an option. Maybe that’s just been my experience.
Regardless, I’m just going with the fact that this is a late implanter. Makes sense, and it makes me feel better. I mean, our first HCG level was SUPER low (indicating late implantation) and all of our ultrasound measurements are smaller than our date of fertilization. It’s a Seager. 100%. It’s deciding to take after it’s father who does (non-important) things “on his own time“ more often than not. If this were more of a Patzke baby it would have implanted earlier than expected, sitting in it’s spot, just waiting anxiously for everything else around it to get going.
All fine with me. Just keep on keeping on, little Seager.
I had two priorities today aside from the ultrasound itself.
#1) Ask the nurse to draw new circles on my bruised and sore rear end for the PIO shots I’m still taking daily
#2) Figure out a way to get my next ultrasound sooner than 2 weeks from today.
According to my previous OB, we lost our first baby around the 8-9 week mark. We found out at 10w4d, but it is estimated that the heartbeat stopped around the 8-9 week mark.
Every day I’m still pregnant I get more attached. And that kinda can suck. If this baby isn’t going to thrive to the point when it is breathing in my arms, I don’t want to become “daily more attached” while it’s just a dead floating raspberry inside me for an extra week or two.
So I asked for another ultrasound next week. And doctor told us, “Sure! Come in every single day if you want to.”
Now, I can’t do that. But once a week during the scary next few weeks would be amazing.
Here’s where the roller coaster comes in….. You’ve been waiting… I know!
Sherbahn leaves to go to his transfer surgery, and we go to blood work. And then to scheduling.
“The earliest I can get you in for ultrasound is 8:10am on Dec. 19th.”
That’s one day shy of two weeks away. And the day of our school Holiday Program. I took the appointment but my brain began to scheme.
You see they also gave me a packet to give my OB. I was shocked. I mean, I am still a patient under the OB I previously saw (the one that irresponsibly gave me a fertility drug while I was already pregnant… likely causing the miscarriage…. etc.), but I was planning to not see her again with any future pregnancies. She’s a nice lady, we are not going to sue her. I just don’t want to see her. I’ve planned to get a new OB, and I know there are several women in town who speak highly of Dr. Pae. So my long term plan was when the time came, I would call and asked to be switched to him. I figured that would be around 10-12 weeks. Nope. We have to overlap a bit. Fine! New plan: Get in to see Dr. Pae next week and get an ultrasound (which covers week 8) and then go down and see Dr. Sherbahn on the 19th (covering week 9).
I called Ascension – All Saints and asked to be switched to Dr. Pae. No problem (that was easier than I expected) but then was told before I could see him, I need to go to their Nurse Educator Session. Joe and I did this LAST TIME. They tell you what to eat, what to not eat, etc. While I’m sure this is beneficial for many of the newly pregnant women who grace Racine’s OBGYN Department, I think I’ve done my research by now, thanks. But really…. no thanks.
“Do I need to do this? I’ve already done it, like, a little over a year ago.”
“Yes ma’am, it is a requirement for all pregnancies.”
“We have a group meeting tomorrow night at 5:00pm. Would you like to come then?”
Are you kidding me? A group? At least last time I did this I got to do it one-on-one.
“Sure. See you tomorrow at 5:00pm.”
So I was clearly annoyed.
Roller coaster emotion: Angered.
Later in the afternoon I got a call from the Gurnee clinic with my blood work results. Progesterone is dropping lower than we want. Please up your dose.
Roller Coaster Emotion: Scared.
I know it’s not a huge deal, but it always scares me. Good thing I’m going to a clinic that monitors these things so closely.
I asked the nurse on the phone about Dr. Sherbahn telling me I could come everyday for ultrasound if I wanted, and that I really just wanted to be seen next week if at all possible.
“Actually something just opened up and Dr. is available Thursday morning at 9:10am. We could do your blood work and ultrasound then. ”
Roller Coaster Emotion: Elated.
Praise God. Praise God for a heartbeat. Praise God for strong monitoring. Praise God for getting in for an 8 week ultrasound.
I’ll be trying my hardest to Praise God while sitting with a group of excited, newly pregnant (likely teenage) women asking too many questions about eating turkey sandwiches and drinking coffee. Ugh.
But for today, I Praise God.