Faith · IVF

Joyfully Embarrassed

I’m joyfully embarrassed.  I’ll get right to it.  We are still in this.

There is a baby.

And the baby has a heartbeat.

I went to bed last night around 8:00pm, and noticed the “episode” had stopped on its own.  In total it lasted around three hours I guess.  I still am in shock.  I mean, that “episode” was major.  There was so much.  It was so “tissue-like”  How could anything survive that?

I began to message with my mom on Facebook, and Joe (I know… we are in the same house, but he was downstairs and I was upstairs)  stating that I was mad that our clinic in Gurnee was only able to do blood work tomorrow and not an ultrasound.  I know many women who have been in this position, and everyone gets an ultrasound.  I also know my clinic wants doctors to do these ultrasounds for some reason instead of nurses, and with my doctor on vacation as of ( … I assume today?) They said all they could do for me was blood work on Saturday.

For some reason, I decided to tell Joe I was planning on going to the ER in Franklin after my appointment tomorrow morning.  We have more than met our deductible this year.  On the off chance that I am still “no longer bleeding” and numbers come back in a “cautiously optimistic arena” I would much rather sit and wait for some real information at an ER than wait until Wednesday for my own doctor.

Now, I know I married I great guy, but last night my husband demonstrated one of his greatest moments:

“Well, let’s just go right now.”

We arrived at the Franklin Emergency Room at 9:30ish and left a little after 11:00pm.

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Should have known it would have been okay.  It says “Megan 29.”  I mean, I told you, 29 would be my year!

The visit, while closer to 2 hours than 1, seemed to fly by for me.  How odd.  I think this was because I didn’t want to see the ultrasound.  I knew it was bad, and even though I knew it was “over” having extra time to not know for sure…. to hold on to some small strand of hope made me not want it to come.  It was around 10:30 that the tech wheeled in the ultrasound machine, and we found out the good news.   She was a wonderful ultrasound tech (who I don’t think was supposed to tell us there was a heartbeat because we are supposed to hear things “officially from the doctor on staff,” but she did anyway.)  There is a baby inside me.  And it’s still there.  Furthermore, it has a heart, and that heart it beating.

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Once we got the good news (and still needed to wait to be discharged) Joe turned his inner child back on and began to play with whatever he could get his hands on.  Oh that mischievous smile…. CONFESS!!!!

I feel embarrassed.  There were so many kind notes,texts, etc from people once I posted my blog yesterday afternoon.  I was so sure.  I guess this is why people don’t often talk about this before they really know.   But I will chalk this up to an opportunity to witness that miracles still do happen around us everyday.  I know bleeding is “common” in early pregnancy, but this was not “spotting.”   For something to have survived that, I mean, that’s a miracle.  And I will praise God till the cows come home for the blessings He showed our family last night.

We are not out of the woods.  I know that.  But like my nurse said so many weeks ago,

“…cautiously optimistic until the heartbeat…”

Ladies and Gentlemen…. we have a heartbeat.

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