infertility · IVF

To Shirt, or Not to Shirt…

Mind the “r” people….
     A quick update, for what felt like a surprising quick day.  I mean, my drive down to Gurnee was relatively quick, I was seen right away, and the blood draw was so fast I was walking to my car at 6:39am.
(This meant some good play time with my more-and-more-cuddly-everyday-puppy which I was especially pleased with.)
     At 2:00pm today my phone rang.  It was the clinic.  I kinda hate this, but I knew it was going to be “good” news.  My mind is changing to a more positive place (I mean, my boobs are killing so I knew at the very least I still had to be pregnant.  Is that too much information for a blog?  Oh well… I don’t care!  I mean I posted PEE STICK pictures, so whatever!)
It was, in my opinion, good news.  But the nurse still said the words…
Cautiously optimistic.  
      I’m not sure I’ve ever really explained why those words  are being used over and over with me.  With initial “low HCG numbers” like mine the chances for an ectopic pregnancy or a chemical pregnancy are much higher.  Both of which indicate no baby, one of which (ectopic) would likely result in some minor surgery/something more invasive.
But anyway, I digress.  My HCG was 915BOOM!
Because I like graphs, here’s last times’s graph comparing Beta 1 and Beta 2:
unnamed
Graph comparing Beta #1 and Beta #2.  Green line is me.  Red line is average.  Blue line is Max, Yellow line is Minimum.
….and here is the graph for the different between Beta 2 and Beta 3:
unnamed-1
Graph comparing Beta #2 and Beta #3.  Green line is me.  Red line is average.  Blue line is Max, Yellow line is Minimum.
     I mean, according to my personal green line, I’m looking pretty good, right?!   Sure, my start was a bit low, but I’m “self-correcting,” right?
      Progesterone (61)  and Estrogen (582) were also also measured, and clearly my estrogen is back on track.  I’ve been instructed to reduce both medications slightly, which will be nice on the ‘ol financial front (at least for right now).
Friday, at 9:00am is our first ultrasound.  
     I wasn’t scared for blood work today.  I knew I was pregnant (or still pregnant).   But I am scared for that ultrasound.  

Will there be a baby (fetal pole)?  Or will be just see an empty sack?  

Will it be in my uterus?  Or will it be stuck in a tube?
Will it have a heart beat?
      I was told on the phone today not to expect a heart beat on Friday.  It’s still a little early.  Possible…. but unlikely.
      Once we hear a heartbeat we are “out of the woods” so to speak.  By “out of the woods” I mean, we are “at normal risk for miscarriage” for the first trimester.  Still a scary thing, sure.  But not like “You have a 50% chance of miscarrying in the next couple days/ weeks” scary.
       So do I wear my stupid turkey shirt on Thanksgiving or not? (If you don’t recall, last year at Thanksgiving I would have been 12.5 weeks, and therefore told family I was pregnant.  I bought a shirt after our second ultrasound with a heartbeat, and was fully prepared to use it as my means for “sharing good news” with the family).  It may seem stupid, but that shirt has been on my mind ever since Nov. 14th of last year.  Things are still scary.  But whatever is inside of me is still holding on, at least for now.
And we are too.   Holding on tight to the ride that keeps on going.  
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