Have you ever seen a fertility blog shared on Facebook?
I haven’t. Okay, well technically I have. There are ALL SORTS of closed Facebook groups for us gals in the “not-so-fertile-myrtel-club” so I’ve technically seen a few… but NEVER any public ones. (And realistically, not one I liked enough to satisfy my needs!)
I’m sure some who have read my blog wonder why I choose to be so open about this entire process. In fact, I’m sure there is quite the range of perceptions; indifference, simple “wondering,”… even all the way up to “passing judgement” as “such things should be kept private.”
I’m not sure there is a “right” or “wrong” in regards to if this topic should be openly discussed or not. But for all those out there pondering what drives me to be so public with our story, here’s a bit of incite into the “WHY.”
Reason #1: “I’m not insane, people!”
When everything first started happening last Fall, I was severely depressed. This was a feeling I’d never felt before in my life. Luckily for me, my life had been a breeze before all of this happened. Anyway, we were one week and one day away from telling our families we were pregnant. We just needed to get to Thanksgiving. Then it happened. I knew I would not be able to function as though this were a normal Thanksgiving. I mean, I could barely stop crying enough to leave the house. So I posted on Facebook for all the world to see. This allowed me to feel and do whatever I needed on Thanksgiving, at work, or anywhere I went. I had an “excuse” of sorts.
Some of the reason I blog today is very similar. While I like to consider myself and “actress,” I’m not the best at acting as though everything is “okay” during some of the most difficult moments in my life. I’m a cryer. In fact, I think Mrs. Witek (my kindergarten teacher) told my parents in my first parent teacher conference that I was a great little gal, with the exception of my constant tears.
What can I say, I’m free with my emotions! Anyway, being open makes things a lot less awkward to co-workers and friends who may find me randomly crying or overall not acting myself from time to time.
Reason #2: Being a voice for others
As I alluded to earlier, there is not a lot of talk about infertility out in the public sphere. Now, I’m not going all “uber feminist” here and trying to force this information down people’s throats by any means. Read it if you want to. Or don’t! It doesn’t bother me! However, I will say, being able to openly talk about this subject with those I work with during lunch, or friends out in public has made the experience much more manageable. Furthermore, as a result of my being open, I was contacted/comforted by countless women (whom I had no idea had gone through similar situations). And boy, have these women been of tremendous help and support.
I can only hope that by sharing my story in a public fashion, others going through similar situations would feel comfort in knowing they are not alone. And would know they could contact me if they ever needed to talk.
Reason #3: Hold yourself accountable, Megan!
This one is perhaps the most unpredictable. (You thought you would know the “why” before reading this, didn’t you?!…. I bet I got you on this one!)
Nearly my entire educational life was spent in Christian day school (with the only exception being graduate school). I consider myself invaluably blessed to have had the opportunity to learn both about God’s love while also learning the traditional “educational standards” of the day. While I may appear in these blogs to be strongly founded in my faith and trust in God, I can admit that my true “foundation” is in my knowledge of how I SHOULD feel according to Christ’s teachings.
I don’t always have a level, trusting, faithful head on my shoulders.
But I know deep down, that I should.
I know God is there, and I should trust him. (I guess the faith part is pretty strong… but the trust… ugh! That’s a hard one for me!)
So I blog. I look for the connections, the “blessings,” all around me, and I write them down. I post them to the world to keep myself an honest, accountable, Christian woman. And it works. Every time I do so, I feel Christ’s loving arms around me as though he is guiding my fingers to type each word. The anxiety in the waiting becomes subdued. And I can be at peace to enjoy the blessings around me.