I love my cousin, Kristin. While we differ on many “hot button” issues (religion, politics, the most fulfilling age of “student” to teach, …okay that last one is just for fun…), our friendship exceeds the bonds of simply “family.” One afternoon in the last year we were out to eat – shocker – and she made one of her “Kristin Comments” that I have come to love so much. It was to the tune of, “I’m 87% satisfied with my life.” (Kristin: if my percentage is off, I apologize! My early childhood SLP/non-high-school-math-teacher-brain is not great with numbers!) We talked about all the different elements of our lives, from work to family, friends and extracurriculars.
Since that conversation, I too have tried to judge my “life satisfaction” percentage. When I miscarried last November I’d say I was at about 10% satisfaction… maybe less. I’m happy to say that is no longer the case. Here’s my assessment as of today:
Work: I have the absolute best job in the world. I LOVE MY PHONOLOGICAL CLASSROOM! Each and every day I get one of those “I love you, Mrs. Seager” hugs from multiple kids in my room. I love working on phonology. When a parent brings you their child and says, “I understand 30% of what they are saying” and several months later tells you the understand almost everything…. it just melts my heart. It brings fulfillment. Being able to communicate is everything, and to help families communicate more effectively with their children is a blessing. And don’t get me started about the staff at Red Apple… <3. 100% Satisfied.
Family: My family is the strongest I know. (Okay, I know you think YOUR family is the strongest, but this is MY BLOG so just go with it, okay?!) Our faith in God is STRONG. Our traditions are STRONG. Our love for each other is STRONG. I have the best parents. They gave/continue to give me everything and more from day one. My brother and sister-in-law show kindness and generosity to all they meet (especially me, when they share their puppies with me!) Grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles…. if need should arise, I have 100% confidence that each and everyone of them would be there. And then there is Joe. My rock. He embodies everything a Christian husband should. As hard as it was, the miscarriage last fall only brought us closer together as husband and wife, and I’m thankful to God for that “light” amongst the darkest of times. 100% Satisfied.
Friends: I have CARING friends. Friends that walk with me, friends that talk with me, friends that eat with me (Oops! Starting to sound like Dr. Seuss!) In all seriousness, the friendships that have developed over the last 2-3 years have been like no other friendships I’ve ever had. When I was in school, I was always the “weird girl.” At least that is how I perceived myself. I was picked on, tried with such gusto to be the “cool girl,” etc. I saw what real friendships were in movies, or around me, but I never knew what it actually felt like to know that others ‘had my back.’ I know that feeling now, and I am so grateful for all those who are willing to call me, “friend.” 100% Satisfied.
Extracurriculars: There are so many that I don’t even know where to start. I love theatre. Racine allows so many opportunities to participate in local theatre (including the Racine Theatre Guild! Get your tickets NOW to see me in Boeing Boing, opening Sept. 15th!) I lead a youth worship team at my church (Trinity Lutheran in Racine – last shameless plug, I promise) with a fantastic friend from high school. And would you know it, now that we are in our third year, they are no longer annoying (sorry if any of you guys are reading this…but as 6th graders some of you were hard to deal with!) and actually really good! I teach swim lessons to fun and engaging children and/or adults and GET PAID TO DO IT. And best of all…. Puppy George is coming home with us in less than four weeks! 100% Satisfied.
Being a Parent: 0% Satisfied.
If my math is correct (Kristin?) That would put me at 80% satisfied. I’m seeing life 80/20.
Tomorrow I will be 14dpiui, and will go to the fertility clinic early in the morning before school starts for my beta (blood pregnancy test). They will call me sometime later in the day with the results. Aside from my 9dpiui “pee on a stick” test – I have not tested at all, so I have no idea what will happen tomorrow. But I know the odds…..
Studies differ, but in general it is assumed that the average couple (where the female is below the age of 35 and without fertility issues) has a 25% chance of conceiving each month. Generally if you and your partner are going through the IUI process, your rate is around 20%. (Sometimes I wonder if it would be better odds to take the $1400 each cycle to Vegas instead of just handing it over to the clinic each month…. ugh!) This month we had four mature follicles. FOUR!!! (17, 17, 15, 15 on the right about 2 days before trigger). Joe, as always, had some stellar stats as well this round. We should be close to the 20% range.
80% chance that I will be sad tomorrow. 20% chance that I will be overjoyed.
The odds are not great. But I am 100% confident that someday, God will make me the mom of a little boy or little girl. Or maybe four little ones… GAH!
Until that time I will focus on the positives. The 80%.
Strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow.
Dear God, please let “tomorrow” not be figurative this time….